Hey folks,

Garrett here, and I’m still recovering from the absolute shambles of a match between Manchester United and Brighton. I’m not sure whether I should laugh or cry, but either way, I’m definitely shaking my head. As a Manchester United fan (I know, I know), it’s tough to admit, but the team was downright embarrassing in this one. Let’s dive in!

The Disaster: United’s Defending
Where do I even begin? The defending was non-existent — I mean, Brighton could’ve been playing against a traffic cone and probably still managed to score. How is it that a team with so much “history” can’t even seem to stop a simple counter-attack? It’s like United’s defense went on a lunch break every time Brighton attacked. Lisandro Martínez, Raphaël Varane, if you’re reading this, please come back from wherever you disappeared to.

And then there’s David De Gea — my word, the less said about his performance the better. It’s like he forgot the basic principle of goalkeeping: you don’t let the ball in the net. At this point, I think James could’ve done a better job between the sticks. And for context, James isn’t exactly what I’d call a “footballing prodigy” — he’s more known for his ability to complain about United’s performance than anything resembling actual football knowledge. (But hey, at least he’s got that down, right?)

Brighton: Credit Where It’s Due
To give credit where it’s due, Brighton looked fantastic. Their play was crisp, they took advantage of United’s sloppiness, and they were lethal in attack. Leandro Trossard had a field day, and you could tell that Brighton had clearly done their homework on United’s weaknesses. Meanwhile, United was just… well, United. Same old story. I’m honestly surprised Brighton didn’t score more.

James and His “Expert” Commentary
Now, I can’t go without taking a cheeky jab at James. Watching this game with him is an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Every time Brighton scored, I could hear James muttering something about “new signings” and “next year’s squad,” which is honestly the most predictable thing I’ve ever heard him say. As if that’s going to fix this mess. Newsflash, James: a new signing won’t suddenly teach United how to defend, or how to string together a pass without looking like they’ve never seen a football before.

The Verdict: United’s In Trouble
Honestly, after this game, it’s hard to see a way forward for Manchester United. The gaps in the defense are so wide, I’m surprised we didn’t lose by more. The midfield? Nonexistent. The attack? Hilariously ineffective. It’s not even the “old United” that had a bit of swagger and fight — it’s more like watching a team desperately trying to live up to a reputation that they simply don’t deserve anymore.

But hey, at least James has something to look forward to next week — more excuses and more “next season will be better” speeches. Maybe one day, James, one day. But as for United, unless they make some serious changes, it’s looking like another season of mid-table mediocrity.

Until next time,
Garrett